What the....

One of those nights that I want to wrap myself in pity and cry until I can't cry anymore.
I hate ALS. More than anything in the world, I hate ALS. I hate that it's taken so much from my family...I hate the pain that we all go through, everyday of our lives because of this disease.
Do you know what its like, to watch someone you love go through this? Helplessly stand by and let it take their arms, legs, lungs, and voice? To know that nothing you can do, or say, will make anything better? What it's like to just want to wake up...and the last 2 years have been some horrible dream?
It's pretty much...gut-wrenching, indescrible pain. It's a hurt that never leaves. It's just...there...all the time.
I think that so much of the pain comes from knowing that my dad HATES living like this. This is not the life he expected to live out. It's not fair, to him, my mom, us. It's a really...shitty hand to be delt in life, on top of all the other shitty hands that were delt to us.
I try, so hard, to be strong. I don't let myself breakdown infront of anyone, other than Jamie. But sometimes, that pain is so strong it takes my breath. I literally feel like the air is being squeezed out of my chest.
I just want it to stop...I want my old life back. I don't like this path, this journey, this daily walk with pain. I don't care if it builds character or makes me stronger. I just want my dad back.

I LOVE DMB...
I mean *REALLY* LOVE them!
Allow me to enlighten you, dear reader, on the reasons I oh so love them.

First and for most, the music. Nothing makes me think of summer like DMB, prob. cause the first time I saw them in concert was in June 1996 with my friend Mindy. We saw them in Columbus, sitting out in the lawn, on blankets, enjoying the warm June evening with other late teen/early 20 college kids. It was so enjoyable. Now when I listen to them, I am always transported to that time and place again...when I was 18, newly married, not a care in the world, enjoying a great concert by one of my favorite band with one of my oldest friends on a sweet summer evening.

Secondly, Dave's voice.
Seriously...*swoon* He could make the want adds sexy!




Third...Lyrics.
Lyrics are oh so important to me to connect to a song. Something in the song lyrics has to move me to make me fall in love with a song. DMB does that time and time again for me...I get the lyrics, they cause an emotional response in me.

Sometimes they bring back some very good memories...

Kiss me oh won't you kiss me now
And sleep I would inside your mouth

Don't be us too shy
Knowing it's no big surprise
That I will wait for you
I will wait for no one but you

*smiles*...oh the memories :)

So basically I loved them since I was 16 years old...16 years now...don't see that changing in the least.

Gonna make something new this wkend for dinner.

Something spicey!

Mexican cornbread casserole....wonder how this will turn out?

well this is the end of the school week for me, so Wednesday's will be "Wednesday Wrap Up"...

What did I learn this wk?
1. I am far too moody and sensitive. I am over that now.
2. Getting on the ball early should keep me from drowning come mid-term!
3. Deal with the snow and get your butt to school!
4. Sometimes it's okay to just sit back and take it all in!

So I have been contemplating on what my future plans are re: advancing my degree...ya know after I get my degree ;)

I have several options that are open to me. I eventually want to become a NP with a focus on women's health, so maybe a CNM...not sure. I know for a fact I want to get my BSN.

Two more years of school for that. I would be 34 or 35 at this point...*sigh*

I really love being a nurse. Its fun, challenging, exciting...I am so looking forward to clinicals in the ER and ICU. I can't wait to work and experience things that have been off limits to me because I am a LPN.

I feel like a whole new world is opening to me and I can't wait to experience it!

thanks nursing school for brining back painful childhood memories.

Monday we all started back to school for our final semester.
I had high hopes and felt light-hearted...all to have that dashed somewhere between 2:30pm and 3:20pm.
One of our projects for Nursing Trends 2 is a group project. Groups of 5, with a class of 62, that makes 12 groups with 2 left out.
If you guessed that I was one that was left out...you would be correct!

So now I feel friendless...useless...alone...

But hey it's only 4 months right?

I hate school :(

It's mind boggling to me that in a few wks, I will be done with my first quarter of school and it continues to boggle my mind that on Sept. 11, I will have been a LPN for seven years! Wow...eight years ago, I was getting ready to start PN school.
PN school was tough. It was emotionally, mentally, and physically draining for me. I made some good friends and some bad enemies, but all in all there are only a few things I would have changed.
RN school is ALOT different. I find myself struggling with the material alot more and getting out of the "report it to the RN" mode and into the Assessing/Planning/Evaluation/Teaching aspect of nursing. Patho is giving me a hard time and just not overthinking or over studying.
Studying with a two year old is fun too...
I have made it no secret that I plan to roll into the BSN program after graduation next May and then forward on to take the NP program from Wright State University...It's a goal.
But for now, I have my eyes on that RN goal...